People with herpes should wear stickers.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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