we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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