ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
