Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just blew my weed a kiss
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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