i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
