I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
