his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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