Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
