I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
