I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
