hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
