Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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