It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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