Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
