You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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