I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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