I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
