nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
