i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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