note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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