You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
