I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
