so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
