The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
