i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
