Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
