I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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