yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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