omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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