it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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