apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
