she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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