Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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