i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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