I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
