Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
