once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
