fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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