boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
