For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
