i used baking grease as lip gloss
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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