Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
