He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
