Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
