I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
