3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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