Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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