I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
