you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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