please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
