i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
