I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
