doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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