he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
